The textbook is titled "Understanding Death, Dying and Bereavement". 521 pages, not including the index and appendix and I've read every single one. Twice. And I still don't understand. I still can't make it right. I still can't make it through a night without fighting back tears or holding back anger. This knot in my throat has found its new home. This grimace on my face seems like its here to stay. This cloud won't go away.